Seasons First Snow

                 I am sitting in my warm and cozy bed in Nainital. The gas heater is working fine. It is chilling cold outside as it began to snow in the morning. Clouds are bursting aloud and rain continue to pour. It is stark silent otherwise. It is this silence I cherish the most. I am also waiting for a video call from my daughter and wife. To have a child is a bliss and when your child makes you wait because she is busy in her pursuits, such wait is beautiful.

                   I feel contend and full of life at these moments. I think about the time which has gone by which is by the way too much of time. So much I have experienced and been through. I treasure such experiences. I have served in the government and at the high echelons of it. During this time, I also mingled with the high and mighty of society and system, but I never felt to be wanting them for the entirety of my life. To be pretentious is not for me. To live a simple life is best for me. I still love to read Ruskin Bond, stories of Munshi Premchand and poems of Mahadevi Verma and the satire and seriousness of Varun Grover. I love to gaze at mountains and also take a deep breath to inhale the moistness of the jungle and soil. The way our life has got too much full of work, tensions and unease, these simple pleasures of life are falling behind. Sometimes, sit in the room and just listen to the silence around, you will love it. I love it. As I have come to believe that if you are calm enough to notice the sound of your own breath, the sound of air going in and out of your body that means you are going good in life. And if you have started to notice the change in weather that means life is going well.

                        We, the middle-class people have been brought up to believe that career is everything. It is true that we cannot chose to ignore it. I did not ignore it. I remember the time I lived for some years in that rented room and resentful atmosphere of Mukherjee Nagar in Delhi. Amidst upheaval of every sort, I will run across the metro stations and ride the crowded trains to attend classes. I remember to this day when I went to appear for the preliminary exam for Haryana Civil Services in the sleepy town of Jagadhari and because all the hotel rooms were full because of the teeming crowd of unemployed youth which had descended in the town for the same exam, I somehow shared a room with a total stranger boy, who was searching a room to pass the night like me.  My eyes became teary as I jostled with the struggle and the inclemency of it. I worked extremely hard, got into good government jobs, which is the epitome of success for any middle-class kid like me. I stayed there for a while but then I decided to walk ahead, explore ahead, take risk and move ahead. Sometimes I do feel the risk I have taken but at the same time I feel so proud of myself that I took a decision as per my own wish. The decision was not to limit the boundaries of my life and to stop exploration. I would like to chase more as indeed chase is better than the hunt. I agree to it. Life may or may not be kind to me in future, but at this moment I am happy. I am proud of the experiences I have had. I have many things to hope for and such hope keeps me going.

                  Life will continue to throw challenges at us and we will have to pierce them through with iron will but gentle demeaner. Life is going too fast for all of us leaving behind a trail of experiences and that trail is precious. Sometimes it is lovely to reflect upon the time which has gone by and to try to record it in words. For the past, let the records be crystal and for the future, the show must go on!

                                                                                      Narayan

                                                                                             (Nainital)